Vent Cycle

“Bitch”

I’ve had the privilege of knowing who I was as a person at the young age of 8 years old. At that age, things have happened to me that no 8-year-old should experience but I did and I lived. That’s the way I saw it. I’m still alive and I won’t let this define me. Some people would say I ignored it but in all honesty, I was too young to understand it. By the time I understood everything that had happened, I was already past it.

I was in high school when people began to tell me that they loved my sense of humor because I had no filter (thanks to my brother, Jorge). As I grew closer to some people, they began to tell me they loved me because I tell it how it is. I’ve always been praised by people when it came to my blunt attitude. But with praises comes disapproval.

I’ve been called a bitch many times in my life and honestly, I don’t give a fuck. Don’t get me wrong, I care about a lot of things and I do have feelings. I just know that some things I just can’t care about or let affect me because they are just opinions. I’ve always told myself “as long as I like me, I’M okay.” I apologized in a bullshit way always. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” If you know me, then you’d know that “I’m sorry YOU feel that way” AND “I’m sorry BUT..” are not apologies. They’re just words to clear your conscience and I don’t accept them.Did I want to clear my conscience? NOPE. I just wanted the person to leave me alone. Am I a bitch? Eh, Maybe.

I’ve lost very few friends. I’ve lost friends to death. I’ve lost friends through lack of communication because sometimes life happens and you just lose touch. But I’ve hardly lost friends because of anything personal. Just recently I’ve lost someone who I considered a sister at one point and while it did hurt me, I realized that things happen for a reason (cliché much?). One of the last few texts exchanged was “One day you’ll realize that you don’t have to be mean and a bitch to everyone” or something like that. I don’t know, I got a new phone and lost a lot of messages. ANYWAYSSSS. I thought about it and really thought, I wasn’t even being a bitch. My previous text was “okay, insert name here, have a great day at the beach. Its beautiful outside.” I honestly meant it because IT WAS a beautiful day outside. But I was a bitch.

I think everyone loves a blunt or honest person until the bluntness is towards them. Why can’t people just take the truth. I don’t work with Willy Wonka, I can’t sugar coat everything. I will tell you how it is in a polite way, unless you’re my two best female friends because fuck you guys, you can handle it you strong independent hoes (A&G). I like to tell the truth, the way it is, raw. I’ve had ex’s tell me I was too bitchy. I’ve had females tell me that I was rude even though they co-signed when I was blunt with other people. I’ve lost myself a million times so far at the age of 24 but I’d always be blunt and I feel like more people should be blunt. I guess I’d always be a bitch.

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